Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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