I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize