he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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