I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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