there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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