he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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