she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize