I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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