He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize