I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize