so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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