I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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