I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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