if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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