I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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