He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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