I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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