wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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