i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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