I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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