i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize