I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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