yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize