so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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