im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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