Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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