Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize