Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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