i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize