I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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