We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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