quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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