Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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