she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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