I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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