I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize