I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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