If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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