I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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