I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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