Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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