alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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