I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize