This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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