So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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