Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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