I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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