I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize