If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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