sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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